Quotes

Jon Quotes (in italics if part of a conversation)

• “The holocaust was efficient” *in a pleased tone*
• “There’s a theory that animals are sentient beings too.”
  “Very well, but they’re not very good at it.”
• “40% of people are aware of a power greater than their own”
  “So…40% of people are aware of the government?”
• “Cambridge: Where the country’s smartest people go to argue and play with water pistols.”
• “Are you coming onto us?”
  “{Monkey screeches}” (these were not good screeches, more like disgusted screeches-Archie, Jamie and Abi made me do it!)
• “Ya know, if you got old and didn’t change your hair style, you’d look just like a sheep.“
  “I like how you said “if”.”
• “The only problem with that speech is that it’s hard to buy babies from a temple when there are no women”
• “Wait a minute…those are women!“
  “Yeah…”
  “Wait another minute….that one has Huntingtons!“
  “So…? Wait, what?”
• “The world is your oyster”
  “People eat oysters. Does that mean someone’s trying to eat the world?“
• “What’s this mysterious chicken meat?“
  “Chicken”
• “Your argument is specious!”
  “Yeah? Well I think your tie is ugly!“
  “At least I have a tie!”
  “I have a tie…[looks down] Damn….”
• “Jon! Get off that rock! You’ll get sniped!”
  “WHAT?!” *sniped*
• *Playing Warioware* “Remind me never to become a woman”
• “Bounce bounce bounce bounce….Fall over dammit!”
• “*gasp* A mobility vehicle!”
• “Just because I do lesbian things doesn’t make me a lesbian…”
  “That’s a bad argument, let me prove it. “Just because I kill people it doesn’t make me a murderer”"
• “You know what makes me laugh? Women’s rights.”
• “Okay guys, just go ahead and tell EVERYONE  that I’m a lesbian…”
  “Alright then. Hey Tim!”
  “Nooooooo!”
• “Jo-on?”
  “What?”
  “Can I squeeze your boob?”
  “No”
  “Pleeease?”
  “No!”
  “Aww…Evita can I squeeze yours?”
  “Ye-{pause}NO!”
• “Hey guys, lets steal something of Evita’s.”
  “What?”
  “Her virginity!”
  [Returning into room]“Hey, can we French Plait it?” (referring to Rob’s hair)
  “What? Your virginity?”
• “You should attach SONAR to your cat!”
• “I just can’t do Braithwaite. He’s dead. Well…I could still do him, but I think it’d be frowned upon. Well…he wouldn’t frown…I’ll shut up now.”
• “Why are you fondling Greg?!” (Greg is a chair)
• “Are you cold?”
  “No. I vibrate for fun”
• “I’d hope you’d be putting most of it IN rather than ON”
• “Cohabitation is like marriage but without the financial problems”
• “Why are you sniffing my goo?”
  “Jon….”
• “Hold still while I stroke you.”
• “Where’s the random line thing?”
  “That is called an L”
• “Was Virgil writing before or after Hadrian? Wait…he was writing it for Augustus…”
  “And what was special about Augustus?”
  “He was the first emperor….Which means Virgil was before Hadrian….”
• “Put some more in where?”
• “When he was at our house he kept humping me”
  “That’s just how he shows that he likes you”

Not Jon Quotes

• “Knock off all that being intimidated! The rest of us here are just a bunch of high-functioning
  computer programs on this forum (you didn’t think we were actually human, did you?), so what’s to be
  intimidated by?    Sometimes I think the Jon Who program could have used a little more time in Beta…        *later*    ”Heh. Jon’s program has a bad bug where he keeps getting stuck in infinite loops accompanied by memory leaks which make him forget what he was trying to say”
  Spiff, JoCoFo

• “Your boyfriend may believe you to be the most beautiful thing to grace this planet, the rest of us however may well believe you to be ugly as sin.”-Peter Vardy.
• “How long to the bottom?”–Jamie Syrett
  “Ice cream!”–Miss Holliday

• “So what’s in the spinach pie?” (Archie)
  “Spinach, pastry and ummm, NICE!” (Miss Holliday)

• “Who are you?”
  “I am a magic wielding alien!”
• Penny: [playing on a computer] Oh my God! A treasure chest! I’m rich!
  Sheldon: [smirking] Level 3 and she thinks she’s rich! What a noob! (Big Bang Theory)
• Leonard:[Seeing Sheldon's face twictching] What’s wrong with your face?
  Sheldon:[still twitching] There’s no need to bring my looks into this!
• Aeolus: I am the god of winds!
  Odysseus:[after a few moments] So who are you?
  Aeolus: Why, I am the god of WINDS!
• Foreman:Conversations go both ways you know…
  House & Foreman (at same time):Just like thirteen.
• “Prediction is difficult, especially the future.”
  — Niels Bohr
• “We must believe in free will, we have no choice,” -Isaac Singer
• “The best days in a woman’s life are when someone marries her and when he carries her dead body to the grave”–Hipponax
• “We’re playing with Jon’s body. And he’s making noises”
  “It’s so much fun!” -Evita and BMD
• “Who raped Cassandra?”
  “Optimus Prime!”
• “Jon, you’re going to wake up in the morning and find your sleeping bag full of death”
• “It’s alright to rape someone…if they don’t feel it.”
• “I feel stabbity today”
• “Dance, dance, drop your pants!”
  “I don’t have any pants to drop”
• “I always carry a razor blade on me, just in case.”
• “If you’re lucky you’ll get raped”
• “I have something to tell you!”
  “What?”
  “I watched porn!”
• “I find this quite satisfying.”
  “What? Pounding a mass of cold meat?”
  “Yes.”
• “I’ve got just enough time to stick my hands in again”

And the most used quote that I have helped coin “Quail!”